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19-12-2010, 01:55 AM | Post: #1
8UII 
Trenches to Glory

Prologue



It was a cold day in the year of 1940. The winter was brutally cold. The skies were grey and cloudy. The day before had snowed them a blanket of white. The Royals were heavily entrenched in the Southeast Territory (a territory claimed by the Royals). The 123rd Royal Militia had been stuck without supplies for days.

The 90th National Infantry have been charging into the trenches many times and the 123rd can hold out for another few days. The Nationals have the advantage of supplies in their trenches, artillery support, and the fact that they were the better adversaries.

The militia had very basic training. They were given outdated rifles and machine guns and had primitive tanks dating back to an earlier time period. The scout force had to ride horses and armored vehicles were not available. Other transportations were supply trucks and cars from the late 1920’s. Inside the trenches were small quarters where the soldiers dwelled.

In the trenches sat a young man at the age of 18. He sat with a blanket over him and another blanket of snow on him. He was shivering and his squad was cold as well. Barb wire was covering the front of the trench. They were in a support trench, they were used as decoys and they were to attract enemy artillery. They were to be inside the trench and try to ambush enemy soldiers if they were to charge at the front trenches.

It was December 13, 1940; it was the 3rd day of the Siege of Zookborough, a small township at the border of the National Federation and the Royal Britannia. There, the deadliest battle of the entire war. And there, even miracles can happen.


Chapter 1
Pvt. Andy Bass
December 10, 1940
Somewhere near Zookborough

I recently got out of training and when I got off the truck, a bunch of other recruits and I marched through the town of Zookborough. It seemed smaller than I thought, in fact, I thought it was larger and crowded but I guess I have to lower my expectations. Jim Ronalds was a friend of mine from school and was in the same platoon I was in. We were conscripted by the order of King Quinton the Bold to fight and serve the militia. And that’s how we got here.

When Jim and I were walking through the streets with another guy named Jake, an officer screamed, “Artillery! Get DOWN!” and we all jumped for cover. The shells tore up the streets and the shops were a mess. The houses were rubble and the train depot was only slightly damaged. When the shells killed roughly about 50% of the recruits, the officer calmly ordered us to keep on marching to the trenches.

When we got to the trench, we were met by Sgt. Edgar Wright, a young man about the age of 27. He had blonde hair, blue eyes, and stood about 6 feet.
Corporal Clyde White was a quick-tempered man about the age of 30. He was making jokes and teasing us the entire time we were there, and it was only 10 minutes!

Privates John Thompson, Zacharias Grant, and E.P Newton were the others. John had brown hair and green eyes; he seemed fairly nice and was very quiet when we arrived. Zacharias had dark blonde hair, blue eyes, and looked like one of those actors from movies you see. He was a tall guy and was conscripted about the age of 23. Edmund Percy Newton was bald and had gray eyes, which seemed uncommon. I only met one person with eyes like that. He seemed very quiet and only nodded when we were introduced to him.

“Hey, new kid, what’s your name?’’ the corporal asked.

“Private Andy Bass,” I replied.

“So, you are like a f***ing fish?” the man laughed.

“Welcome to the squad, we hope you enjoy the luxuries of rat infested trenches, the bunks in bad condition, and only food every few days!” Edgar greeted.

I also forgot to describe my two friends! Jim stood at a tall 6’7” and had brown hair and blue and green eyes. I always thought he was one of the unique ones in the group. He is 18 and was fairly skinny.

Jake Montgomery was the shortest at a 5’8” and had blonde hair. He had a calm attitude but I think the three of us would be the most scared in the entire squad. He is 21 and was into the Royal Navy and boats until his dad persuaded him to fight like a man.

That day, we learned the squad really did not have food for several days. The time I heard of that, I went back to my past habit, thieving. When I was young, I was a petty thief and often took money from pockets of businessmen and the chains from a purse of women as tall as Jake. Now, I must use it for good. So, I went out of the quarters.

“Where do you think you are going?” Edgar asked when I stepped a foot outside.

“Getting us some food!” I responded. I walked outside and went to the back of the mess hall and went inside the kitchen. I remembered that I snuck in by crawling under the tables and then I finally got to the end of the table and when I saw my opportunity, I sprinted into the kitchen. There was only one man, but he was too preoccupied with catching pigs.
“Hut,” he said. Then a pig would go through the chute and he would catch it and put it in a bin.

“Be right back!” he said as he ran outside.

I walked up to the chute and shouted, “Hut!” and then a pig flew down the chute and I caught it. The mess sergeant was already gone and then I casually walked out of the tent and back to the quarters I was in.

When I got in, the men were shocked (except for Jim, he used to steal with me). “How did you get that?” John asked.

“I got it for being helpful at the mess hall,” I responded with a mischievous grin. The men did not asked questions and took the pig and put it on a spit roast over the small fire they already prepared.

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(09-01-2011 07:21 AM)NastyMann Wrote:  Oh 8UII... You are such a joy!
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(This post was last modified: 29-12-2010 03:13 AM by 8UII.)
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19-12-2010, 02:02 AM | Post: #2
Psycho~Zeuz 
wewewew
No time to read all of that lol
Big Grin

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19-12-2010, 02:02 AM | Post: #3
8UII 
It's not that much is it?

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(09-01-2011 07:21 AM)NastyMann Wrote:  Oh 8UII... You are such a joy!
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19-12-2010, 02:35 AM | Post: #4
Zachary0015 
I always found it amusing that in every story someone posts just to say that they didn't read it.

On topic, I thought it was very nicely written. Hope it stays going.
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19-12-2010, 03:23 AM | Post: #5
Ruide 
Its a good story so far Smile

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19-12-2010, 03:30 AM | Post: #6
DogieDude1234 
Very nice so far. Just remember to watch the tenses and you should be good to go. I'm looking forward to reading more. Smile

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19-12-2010, 07:37 AM | Post: #7
K.U.S.T. 
Sounds interesting. Very few grammar mistakes, but the chapter was short. Plus, for the prologue, I quote godzillaboy.

Cheers!
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19-12-2010, 08:00 AM | Post: #8
8UII 
Well, I highly value people's opinions, but, I really don't think my grammar has failed since you said, "very few."

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(09-01-2011 07:21 AM)NastyMann Wrote:  Oh 8UII... You are such a joy!
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19-12-2010, 08:02 AM | Post: #9
K.U.S.T. 
Rofl. I mean the Wall of Text part XD. Besides, having a wall of text is a grammar fail.

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(This post was last modified: 19-12-2010 08:02 AM by K.U.S.T..)
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19-12-2010, 08:02 AM | Post: #10
8UII 
I can admit that my prologue is quite a mess. I shall fix it soon.

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(09-01-2011 07:21 AM)NastyMann Wrote:  Oh 8UII... You are such a joy!
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19-12-2010, 08:05 AM | Post: #11
K.U.S.T. 
Yah! No more Wall 'o Text!

Cheers!
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19-12-2010, 08:06 AM | Post: #12
8UII 
But on the story, good interesting or bad interesting?

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(09-01-2011 07:21 AM)NastyMann Wrote:  Oh 8UII... You are such a joy!
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19-12-2010, 08:25 AM | Post: #13
K.U.S.T. 
It is hard to tell. It is only the first chapter, but there seems to be no plot. All I know is that the small group in the trench is going to somehow fight against all odds against the Nationals and win "the deadliest battle of the entire war" with the help of Private Andy Bass, who was the one who delivered the victory against impossible odds, and there will be a death or two of some of Andy's closest friends. If this is it, then there is no real plot.

This is very obvious to have the MC (main character) being all superhero and save the day against all odds. Make twists in the story and don't have them go straight into "the deadliest battle of the entire war" in the first two chapters. Have a side-plot of another character, or with the same character, that inevitably ends up conjoining with the main plot, the battle. Here is where you make the twist. Do something unexpected with your characters. If you would like to, you can foreshadow a part of the twist, but don't make it obvious like, "Andy went to war feeling confident, but inside, he felt as if he would be the fault for losing the entire war." That gives away the entire plot.

One thing I love to do is betrayals. They can come at the most unexpected times and can make a lousy story seem much better, but not all the time. My favorite story with a betrayal was "Prodition in Origins." The title literally translates to "Betrayals in the Beginnings." You should check it out.

Anyways, this is my opinion. The story is up to you.

Cheers!
-The Kingdom of the United Sectors of Terra



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19-12-2010, 04:20 PM | Post: #14
ZeroedGamer 
As people have stated previously, watch your tenses.
But I think, K.U.S.T, that he is introducing us to the characters.
Not every story goes fast at the beginning, some stay a little below the speed limit.

(20-12-2010 02:58 AM)pvt.samson Wrote:  My stomach is killing itself with the fear of not getting out alive these nazis are serious stuff.
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19-12-2010, 07:20 PM | Post: #15
K.U.S.T. 
True, this is how a story is supposed to go, but in my times, I have seen so many stories where people introduce the characters in the first chapter, then go straight to the climax in the second chapter and try to salvage it from there. It was a horrible mess to read.

But like I said, "It is hard to tell. It is only the first chapter..." Just from this point of view in the first chapter, I can sort of plan out the stereotypical plot here, if that's what 8UII was going for, here. I would go against the stereotypical and add a twist here or there, but it's not my story. It's up to 8UII to make the shots here, and I hope they turn out well.

Cheers!
-The Kingdom of the United Sectors of Terra



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(This post was last modified: 19-12-2010 10:31 PM by K.U.S.T..)
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19-12-2010, 07:55 PM | Post: #16
8UII 
(19-12-2010 08:25 AM)K.U.S.T. Wrote:  It is hard to tell. It is only the first chapter, but there seems to be no plot. All I know is that the small group in the trench is going to somehow fight against all odds against the Nationals and win "the deadliest battle of the entire war" with the help of Private Andy Bass, who was the one who delivered the victory against impossible odds, and there will be a death or two of some of Andy's closest friends. If this is it, then there is no real plot.

This is very obvious to have the MC (main character) being all superhero and save the day against all odds. Make twists in the story and don't have them go straight into "the deadliest battle of the entire war" in the first two chapters. Have a side-plot of another character, or with the same character, that inevitably ends up conjoining with the main plot, the battle. Here is where you make the twist. Do something unexpected with your characters. If you would like to, you can foreshadow a part of the twist, but don't make it obvious like, "Andy went to war feeling confident, but inside, he felt as if he would be the fault for losing the entire war." That gives away the entire plot.

One thing I love to do is betrayals. They can come at the most unexpected times and can make a lousy story seem much better, but not all the time. My favorite story with a betrayal was "Prodition in Origins." The title literally translates to "Betrayals in the Beginnings." You should check it out.

Anyways, this is my opinion. The story is up to you.
Alright, second paragraph is wrong. Although he is the main character, who was to say he is the superhero? In every story, movie, book, or whatever, the militia are NEVER confident in wars. In fact, they have the worst morality. I have a few things up my sleeve and there is more than one character, in fact, I planned out at least 2 more.

Just wait, the first three to four will be introductions.

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(09-01-2011 07:21 AM)NastyMann Wrote:  Oh 8UII... You are such a joy!
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(This post was last modified: 19-12-2010 09:52 PM by 8UII.)
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19-12-2010, 10:31 PM | Post: #17
K.U.S.T. 
Alright. Some self confidence has arrived for me. Good luck on the story and I hope to read it sometime.

Cheers!
-The Kingdom of the United Sectors of Terra



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19-12-2010, 11:01 PM | Post: #18
8UII 
I got a chapter and a part that I already typed up. I got nothing to do today.... All of my friends have something to do and I got nothing but this.... Sad

I will need some people to revise and proofread my chapters. Some will get an early look at my chapters! (Critics, friends, etc.)

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(09-01-2011 07:21 AM)NastyMann Wrote:  Oh 8UII... You are such a joy!
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19-12-2010, 11:49 PM | Post: #19
K.U.S.T. 
OOH! OOH! *waves hand frantically in the air with a giddy, anxious look on the face* PICK ME! PICK ME!

Cheers!
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20-12-2010, 03:25 AM | Post: #20
8UII 
I suppose you and Dogie can read it.

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(09-01-2011 07:21 AM)NastyMann Wrote:  Oh 8UII... You are such a joy!
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